Loved Chapter 1! It has such a strong and good start for the plot, that it makes you want to read Ch 2 right away. The development team put in work and it paid off.
I would like the game to have the option to change the language in settings, such as Spanish, Portuguese, etc. The one I most hope for is that they add the Spanish language hahaha
Hey there, I'm back to offer some more feedback since last time. This update is SO MUCH BETTER! You guys did a much better job with the pacing of the story and it definitely flowed a lot more naturally. There's a much clearer sense of what you guys are trying to go for with the story of this game, and I'm happy that you were able to find this and fix it, so congrats on that! I was able to finish it properly this time around and I enjoyed it all the way through. There are a few small things here and there that could use a fix to help aid the story, but of course, it isn't gonna be perfect, especially since you just rewrote it. Rather, I'd like to point out - maybe even suggest a few things that jumped out to me after my first playthrough that I hope can help a bit.
The first thing I noticed is that when we are reading the main character's thoughts, it's probably better not to have his name in the nametag so that you don't confuse it as him speaking out loud, even when the text box turns brown. I think having it turn brown is fine, but rather the nametag probably shouldn't be there when he isn't speaking is all.
For the CGs, I don't think there's a need for a notification about artwork being unlocked every single time it shows up, but instead, I think a single notification after the first CG that tells you that each image can be accessed through the gallery would be much more fitting.
The artist did a much better job with the sprites, and I think the redesign fits much better! If I remember correctly last time, Bowers' sprite definitely doesn't take up as much space on the screen anymore haha. They fit in much better with the design, all while keeping the same shocking size of their hefty guts on full display (which I'm all for LOL). I also found that Hawke was a much better secondary character to introduce to us for the intro, rather than that other character who just felt rude (I forgot his name). It seems it helped a lot with making the reader ease into what's going on with the situation of the main character. Speaking of which, I also wanna point out that the music here is very enjoyable, and really sets the atmosphere while reading. Plus those sound effects are used much more appropriately and are there to add another unique thing about the style of this game.
The character journal is a little curious as it seems to explain a little more of what happened to the main character in the intro rather than the actual intro explaining anything? I am not sure if it was meant to be like that, cause after what I saw in Feenyx's description, it feels like his description would fit better on the front page of the game here on itchio if anything lol. It doesn't seem to describe his character but instead just describes what the game is about. Looking back now it seems the character descriptions of both Feenyx and Hawke are a lot more revealing than what might be intended for? (At least I'm guessing). Especially Hawke, since it mentions a few things about him that were never brought up during the conversations of this update. Other than that I love the idea of the journal, including those little silly graphics.
Anyway, that's all I wish to say for now and again, I hope this helps a bit. Seriously though, Congrats on the major improvement! I'm looking forward to what's coming next! :D
loved both versions, but the pacing here was much better. is there an official upload time/schedule or is it just a 'as it gets done' sort of thing? very excited for more in the future! :) <3
Ok, that was *much* better than the original build. Everything actually making sense now, and flows organically with each other... well, almost. Gotta give props to dev for listening to feedback and giving it there best to improve (I know I played a large part in trashing the original build by sometimes it needs to be done)
Looking forward to the story continuing. You've piqued my curiosity.
The journal's a nice feature. It gives an extra something outside the story. Aside from other points already mentioned, if I had one critique, it'd be the sound effects paired with the characters' reactions. They're a little...distracting, for me, at least.
But, I'm looking forward to more with the revamps you have underway.
I want to like this story but I have so many questions. Like why the player-character is such a dick...? Jeez your surrounded by hulking masses of flesh and your first instinct is to go for fag? Doesnt seem very relistic to me. Like the character doesnt have a sense of danger or something. I dont know maybe Im just a hater; but this seems kinda rushed.
The Writer can also waste his own and the reader's time by letting the MC throwing a fit and scream for weeks until he cooled down and accept that not all creature want to kill him. Remeber what kind of audience FVN are for...
It's better for the audience to connect to an Furry/animal loving MC, who accepts that fear/screaming and running away wont help him. A little bit of bravery allows the MC to gain respect from audience and the fictional characters alike.
Happy middle is all im looking for lol. Being brave and being stupid are two very different things. Fear is what makes us human. Which is also ironic because we're still animals ourselves. SO the whole quote should be fear is what makes us animals. But that's not the point. The point is that if the mc has nothing to fear from the beginning; in a setting where the mc doesn't even have a special skill (No running ur mouth is not a power its a hinderance), the whole story can be thrown off course. Turning something beautiful in to something sad and deluded. And I for one wouldn't want to read that. Got enough delusional people in the world. Subtract from the problem dont add to it.
Edit: Now that ive read the new and improved version.....im lovin it so far. It seems the author has taken the time to really hear out the comments here and on other social forums so I'm gonna continue to be patient and see where this goes. Keep it up guys!!!!
LOVE THIS +__+ I thought the pacing was perfect. I have read many bara VNs and often they drag out a scene having the dialogue be too verbose. But the writing here, each scene says and shows what was needed for it and moves on to the next one, wonderful. Excellent art, character designs, background art, music, sound effects, like that cracking sound of what happened to the main character, fuckin ow, I winced hearing it, very immersive drawing me in instantly. My only critique is the narration, having a main character be the narrator, often what is narrated and what is their own thoughts both get lost together. So when y'all are rewriting the story (which saddens me cause I love this 1.0 version) I'd suggest an example as "Feenyx eagerly awaits Bowers' cock" etc instead of feenyx thinking/narrating "I eagerly awaited Bowers' cock" as such. so yeah solid 5/5 from me honestly, can't wait to see the next update :D
Can we get an option to change the text colour? I can't play because I can't read the black text on the dark brown dialogue box (This is the android version)
No updates for now. But I have finished some of the new sprites for the new rewrite demo we will be releasing. CGS and backgrounds are still not finished, so it'll take time is I can tell you.
Thought I'd pitch in my two cents. I'm a fan of La Musa (still hoping that gets some work done on it soon) and was looking forward to this.
For a demo, it's not the worst thing ever. The art is nice, and I can see the vision but it definitely needs some work. Yeah the pacing is very, VERY fast between locations and just the way the characters interact with one another. They jump from topic to topic like it's nothing, and that's just not the way actual conversations flow. Obviously the broken rib thing, and the white werewolf (his attitude and introduction to the story leave a lot to be desired) would be some of my biggest concerns. Can't remember his name but the big blue wolf is cute, love to see some fat men love interests.
The personalities of all characters are just not there, and seem very rushed and cookie cutter to be memorable. This is just personal opinion obviously but the MC's design, I'm just not a fan of at all. Not gonna get into the whole twink gets romance simmed by different big bara guys that seems to be the trend though.
Ultimately, I can see that a lot of work into it and I know they are rewriting since people have been trashing on them. Wanna say good luck and good health to the producers, I know making a vn is not easy or quick. Just take your time and try to come out with the best work you can, the groundwork is there just needs polish.
Also if you wanted an English proofreader, I'd be happy to help free of charge lol. Some of the spelling and general grammar errors don't help alleviate some of the other issues
to a lot of people in these comments, ya'll need to keep your expectations and reality separate, and read other comments instead of rehashing stuff that has already been said.
This is a demo. it's not going to be perfect right off the back, and the author/creator has already commented several times they're working on it. the art is good, and the story even if rushed is fine. cut people some slack and enjoy what we have.
(Sorry if this is out of line, sir/ma'am author, just see a lot of the same comments saying the same thing over and over. you're doing great :) )
I disagree with this comment in pretty much every way possible.
First of all, I’m a free man and I’m free to do whatever I want as long as its not prohibited by law. That means if I want to criticize something — I will. Same goes for others.
Second — having other people mentioning the same criticism is incredibly important. If someone like me mentioned it devs might not even bat an eye, but if multiple people doing it — that means its definitely something you should be working on.
And finally, in a medium where the only thing people care and know about is Echo you have to be grateful for *any* sort of comments, because that means people care about your product. What you truly have to afraid of is the *lack* of comments because that means no one is interested in your product anymore.
P.s.
> enjoy what we have
Do you enjoy eating shit that you have? I personally don’t but it might just be me, so please, allow me to have at least some standards for my fvns. Thank you.
We understand what you mean completely. The reason why we are rewriting the whole story from scratch is due to a lot of amounts of feedback we have received. The reason why we are saying to read the feedbacks below and my replies to them is because literally all of the feedbacks are now sounding the same and we made public posts and announcements on Discord, Twitter, and on here that we are listening, and we have decided to rewrite everything from scratch even fix the art. So be patient please, because we are working very hard. Scroll down a bit and see my replies to the criticism. Yours is still valid! But please take the time to read the other feedbacks so you don't say the exact same thing people are complaining about. And please be professional with your reply.
you're right, you're allowed to have your opinions like I'm allowed to have mine. and I'm also allowed to call out an unneeded amount of the same criticism when I see it. (especially when all of the comments I've read/am talking about are pretty much the same thing just reworded)
getting criticism for work is good (I write fanfiction and get feedback all of the time.) but there is also a time when it becomes too much when the comments are all the same.
edit; why are you comparing eating shit with a vn in its early stages? lmao.
If its being rehashed its prolly cuz new people are reading it to find the same problem. NO rush to the devs. I like seeing ppl suceed, but that won't happen if we give participation trophies all the time. The truthful brutally honest comments are the ones that can make or break how these things happen...so yeah keep it up. But dont expect the journey to be easy.
As for now, I can not recommend this visual novel. Apparently, from what I've read in the comments, the story is being rewritten. But as of now, as many have said, the story is rushed and the main character gets over stuff pretty fast. We kind of just go between three different locations within the blink of an eye. Not gonna spoil much in case someone wants to read this demo, but the main character finds his phone and instead of calling or messaging anyone, as a normal person would, he decides to show the wolves how it works. And at one point he climbs up and down a ladder with broken ribs... what??? Freshly broken ribs btw. I hope the devs spend more time expanding the story, perhaps add a prologue for mc's background before waking up in the world because they just fly by that like the topic of what he was gonna do before he got to the other world even though what he was planning was quite serious. If and when the devs post a rewritten story, I'll reevaluate my opinion. But for now, it's just not good.)
Also, as a side note. My own personal opinion about this but calling someplace "Wolfshire" is just weird. You're naming the location after the inhabitants and I know many stories do this but idk, it's like calling a human village "Human Village" Not something to be used as criticism towards the novel, just my personal dislike.
I guess I'll spoil a small detail for you. In the new rewrite, we explain why the wolfshire is named like that. Long time ago people who inhabited the wolfshire were people who built this place based on Sol and Mani in Norse mythology, wolf of moon, Mani, and wolf of Sun Sol. moving to present time, it is now in ruins and the werewolves inhabited the place due to the original makers of the place left and vanished. Which that will also be explained later on in the rewritten chapters. Do not expect the rewritten demo to explain everything and lore of the world at once, because if we do that, then you'll come back here and say that the story is rushed again, and the pacing doesn't make sense. At the end of the day, it's a demo, and not everything will be explained in it.
The pacing is too fast (neck-breaking fast) The protagonist adapts waaay too quickly for it to be credible or believable, there are a LOT of grammar mistakes and misspellings (which overall makes the reading experience less enjoyable) The gratuituous violence from the white werewolf feels hamfisted and shoehorned just for the heck of it and the MC's response isn't natural acting like nothing happened and the same with the white werewolf. Overall: the art was good, though I saw in the sketches that Bowers has nipples then in the sprites or in the CG artwork there's no trace of nipples which is a bit of an inconsistency issue. The story: So far needs to be reviewed again for the issues I described above. Grammar and Misspellins: Those need a serious review and fix, seriously.
I keep saying again and again that the story is being rewritten from scratch and are fixing the pacing and characters personalities. Scroll down and read my replies from the feedbacks that are similar to yours. The new rewritten demo is being proofread right now, and the pacing and characters are much more polished and better. We have listened to all of your feedbacks and came with the decision to rewrite the whole story from scratch. The MC's fractured ribs play a big factor to the story along with his fear, and confusion being in a world completely different from his, and that will include his health as well, his body will have to adapt to the world. Rest assured, the new rewritten demo and chapter one is looking much better than the old script.
Hi I wanted to say that you may have heard this criticism before so sorry if it is repeat.
The MC name seems to be a bit too fantasy like if they are from the modern Era. If you like the name you should keep it though. I also think the MC clothes should also fit the modern Era since his current clothes from the demo are really more fantasy Era like.
I know that the MC committed suicide so I think that should be focused a bit more 1st for the story pacing. Additionally I believe the MC should at the very least be able to stay in the woods alone for a longer period of time such as 1 day or a few hours wandering around. I just felt that the Werewolf attack was a bit too fast for a character that just entered a new world after suicide is all.
Overall I really enjoyed everything else in the visual novel. I would like to ask and say is it possible for the MC to have a bit more of a backbone and not be the typical weak or defenseless character? His current attitude is great but it would be more believable if he could back it up? This trope of a weak MC always being saved by 1 character is honestly just a bit played out in visual novels at this point. Overall just do what you think is best and thank you for letting me leave my criticism here.
1- the MC's name will stick. MC's name is a name of Greek origin and an alternative for Phoenix. Meaning “dark red." All we did is change it from Feenix, to Feenyx. And is still being used in our modern era.
2- In the new rewrite of the story, the MC's clothes at first will be modernized, and he will get new clothes over time.
3- he didn't commit to death, he Wanted to commit to death but got transported. this also had been expanded on in the new rewrite of the story.
4- He won't be attacked very early in the new rewrite.
5- The MC won't stay weak forever, he will learn how to protect himself in the new rewrite
6- his fractured ribs will play a much bigger factor on his health throughout chapter one in the rewrite, combined with fear and confusion due to being in a new world.
overall, I have made the decision to scrap the original script, and rewrite it completely from scratch, and so far, it is looking very promising, and its being proofread. Rest assured, I am making sure the pacing is good, and not rushed at all.
Without being disrespectful, I think its fine in various aspects but it needs fixes in some stuff as a lot of people say, but about the speed, well, I can say that visual novels are slower than the average story because they can use more time telling stuff than comics, Tv Shows and Animated Series, given the ability of showing more with less resources, and also, that the player can read it calmly or extremely fast but looking at the pictures, I can recomend that it should take its time to move and just describe more the stuff, like, more dialogue, and maybe longer descriptions because the dialogues dont need an entire drawing to have the characters talking
Also, the characters are bigger than they should, I recomend making them X1.25 or X1.5 the size of a human being, because in real life its probable that a lot of them would not be taller than 2.72 meters (Higher recorded in human history [AKA: Extremely Rare])
Also... MC's Name is weird, Who calls someone like that in this world? In fantasy is posible, but not in our Normal Land [xl]
You are not being disrespectful; your feedback is valid. We decided to scrap the script and rewrite it from scratch and fixing the story and its pacing . and regarding the sprites, I will make changes to them and fix them up to make them more appealing to look at. Thank you so much for your feedback. We are improving as we go.
MC's name is name of Greek origin and an alternative for Phoenix. Meaning “dark red." All we did is change it from Feenix, to Feenyx.
Don't want to sound mean or harsh, but the demo has left a very bad impression on me.
* An incrediby generic premise (a modern day teenager isekaied to yet another fantasy world to meet a wolf himbo);
* An incredibly hamfisted dialog (characters say exactly what they want which comes acrosss overly direct, lacking nuance and realism --- real people don't talk like that);
* an incredibly rushed pacing (it takes only ten diologue boxes for protagonist to lament about his life for a bit, then to get isekaied, then to meet the wolf himbo without even giving a reader a time to process what the hell has even happened)
* and the demo wasn't even tested properly as selecting literally any other option then "new game" is getting me a classic Ren'Py error message "an exception has occured".
Even the artstyle (which is the only good part) has its issues: all wolfs look way too buff and protagonist somehow already looks like a medieval noble rather then modern day teenager.
I hope it will improve later but so far the entire demo looks incredibly amateurish so far as to come really close of being yet another Ren'Py asset flip.
Thank you for your feedback. We decided to start from the core and from scratch. We are rewriting the story and improving on it. It'll take a long time. But these things happen, and I am sorry for disappointing. I appreciate your feedback and we will do better. I am also redrawing some of the sprites to make them look more appealing to look at.
"...the demo wasn't even tested properly as selecting literally any other option then "new game" is getting me a classic Ren'Py error message "an exception has occured".
--I'm going to fixed that. Thank you for the feedback.
Hello id like to provide some feedback could you possibly try making the texts larger and also be able change the color its because its hard to see and read the text and i literally have to bring the phone closer to my face to read it,anyways great VN hope there will be more ❤️
Hey there, I'd like to provide some feedback. I've been intrigued by the looks of this game since I first heard about it on Twitter, but I'm sad to say that I found it quite disappointing. I understand it's just a demo, and that's why I'm trying to offer honest feedback/criticism without sounding rude.
The first thing that I notice when opening the game is that it defaults to fullscreen, and the main menu music (and all music in general) seems to be really quiet. I really love the title screen and UI design, the transitions between menus feel a little bit long, but apart from that I think it looks great and fits well with the theme.
When it came to starting the game however, the writing is where everything falls apart. Just reading the very first message, I had to re-read it a few times to make any sense of it. I continued on thinking that there was going to be more of an explanation about it, but there wasn't. Instead, it jumps straight into the main character seemingly about to commit suicide, without any warning or transitional writing. The first message could have very well been expanded upon, while keeping the same effect of a mysterious hook to a story, since it's the most important part of grabbing the reader's attention.
Moving on to the setup of the story, you quickly realize that the writing feels so rushed and rough. So much so, that it's hard to keep track of what's happening as it lacks any kind of explanation in the writing. Thing after thing constantly keeps happening at the start, with no details in the writing that help the reader not feel so overwhelmed.
Directly after waking up in the cabin, that's where the story started losing me, and I somewhat stopped paying attention because of how confused I was getting. As I said previously, I feel the writing just lacks detail as it just doesn't flow well and it seems to stay that way throughout the whole game. I kept constantly asking questions about the events that were happening before me. By the way, pressing esc to pause and ctrl to skip just doesn't work, forcing you to use the UI buttons.
When it comes to the character's dialogue, it felt completely out of place when the main character was just plain rude. None of the jokes seemed to stick, and the sound effects with the dialogue were very out of place for the atmosphere. There were some parts of the text that would continue on out of nowhere without the user's input, not letting the reader read it. I also noticed that one of the background songs suddenly cuts off in the same spot every time and just restarts. The second wolf's name does not get introduced and only gets revealed suddenly. Not to mention the slapping from him coming straight out of nowhere, making him also seem just plain rude. Then the CG also just randomly appears and doesn't transition well, making it feel out of place (But I think the same goes for the rest of them)
I would continue on, but after the coin-flipping CG I really stopped trying to read into it I'm afraid. I glossed over the rest of the text from there and it seemed to still lack everything I already talked about. I was really looking forward to this game's release but I'm sad to say it didn't deliver. However just because the writing really lacks, doesn't mean the rest of the game (Art, design, story premise, all that stuff) doesn't have great potential. At least that's what I think, that everything else has great potential, and that's why I'm writing this. I hope this helps.
Don’t get me wrong, this helps a lot. And I thank you for the feedback. We will do our best to deliver a solid story with no rushing happening, and we are also working on fixing the music cutting off randomly, its a coding error which happens very often. The script is also going to get edited and fixed and be proofread. I deeply apologize for this, but know that we will fix this and hopefully come back strong, I’ll also see if I can fix the characters personalities as well. Give us another chance, we are very new to making visual novels, but we are learning and improving as we go. Thank you so much for playing the demo, and I’ll make sure the first chapter will deliver better.
No this is not happening... An Werewolf VN with muscles and guts?! I think I am having a werewolf awakening crisis or some shit that I keep fawning for wolf-like creatures as of recently this year and this VN wont help my addiction at all! I think I am on the edge of just breaking into obsession... I don't want to go out like that, I must resist... YOU WEREWOLF LOVERS WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME AHAHAHA!
I played it. I think it's over for me. Especially the last CG scene of this Demo that you fuckers did got me and nearly jumped out of my seat... I'll be looking forward for this project!
All good! Matter of fact I enjoy the shock that I had, it reminds me to not let my guard down for anything including sexy daddy werewolves. Keep up the good work!
Can you elaborate more on what you mean by military? because when I think about military, all I think about is green and camo. And which character are you talking about? Feenyx or Bowers?
love it! great art style, and story is good so far(even if just a demon now). excited for updates on it! what does the update schedule look like for this vn?
Thank you. As for right now, I will be focused in minor issues from the game first. Then, the public updates will be release in every middle of the week while patrons gets a nice dipped into it by early of the month.
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can we get a rough estimate for the mobile version? I just can't wait to play the update!
Loved Chapter 1! It has such a strong and good start for the plot, that it makes you want to read Ch 2 right away. The development team put in work and it paid off.
This chapter 1 is perfect, now just wait for the next ones.
-Brasil
Yes! 😁
We know it takes time to make amazing content so there is no rush. Keep up the Good work. 👍
J'espère Ue vous réussirez à finir le jeu
je suis prêt à attendre 1 ans de plus
J'adore ce jeu
Vivement le jeu complet🤤😌
why are they so huggable huh?! I want more of gaem (also keep up the good work guy[plural] ;P)
fun game
When's the next update? No rush just wondering if there is a set schedule or? Great work so far! I'm really enjoying the vn!
We are still writing chapter 1, plus I have to rework the sprites and draw the CG's and backgrounds. it'll take a while.
Awesome, thanks for the response! I can't wait to see where you take the story! (^_^)
I love this game so far and can't wait to see how it continues
i have problem i can.t see the gallery do i need to delete the old ver?
I’m currently fixing the issue rn.
–Romiz Xrako
I would like the game to have the option to change the language in settings, such as Spanish, Portuguese, etc. The one I most hope for is that they add the Spanish language hahaha
We’ll considered it.
But the game is super good, very entertaining and intriguing to be honest.
Thank you!
Hey there, I'm back to offer some more feedback since last time.
This update is SO MUCH BETTER! You guys did a much better job with the pacing of the story and it definitely flowed a lot more naturally. There's a much clearer sense of what you guys are trying to go for with the story of this game, and I'm happy that you were able to find this and fix it, so congrats on that! I was able to finish it properly this time around and I enjoyed it all the way through.
There are a few small things here and there that could use a fix to help aid the story, but of course, it isn't gonna be perfect, especially since you just rewrote it. Rather, I'd like to point out - maybe even suggest a few things that jumped out to me after my first playthrough that I hope can help a bit.
The first thing I noticed is that when we are reading the main character's thoughts, it's probably better not to have his name in the nametag so that you don't confuse it as him speaking out loud, even when the text box turns brown. I think having it turn brown is fine, but rather the nametag probably shouldn't be there when he isn't speaking is all.
For the CGs, I don't think there's a need for a notification about artwork being unlocked every single time it shows up, but instead, I think a single notification after the first CG that tells you that each image can be accessed through the gallery would be much more fitting.
The artist did a much better job with the sprites, and I think the redesign fits much better! If I remember correctly last time, Bowers' sprite definitely doesn't take up as much space on the screen anymore haha. They fit in much better with the design, all while keeping the same shocking size of their hefty guts on full display (which I'm all for LOL). I also found that Hawke was a much better secondary character to introduce to us for the intro, rather than that other character who just felt rude (I forgot his name). It seems it helped a lot with making the reader ease into what's going on with the situation of the main character.
Speaking of which, I also wanna point out that the music here is very enjoyable, and really sets the atmosphere while reading. Plus those sound effects are used much more appropriately and are there to add another unique thing about the style of this game.
The character journal is a little curious as it seems to explain a little more of what happened to the main character in the intro rather than the actual intro explaining anything? I am not sure if it was meant to be like that, cause after what I saw in Feenyx's description, it feels like his description would fit better on the front page of the game here on itchio if anything lol. It doesn't seem to describe his character but instead just describes what the game is about.
Looking back now it seems the character descriptions of both Feenyx and Hawke are a lot more revealing than what might be intended for? (At least I'm guessing). Especially Hawke, since it mentions a few things about him that were never brought up during the conversations of this update.
Other than that I love the idea of the journal, including those little silly graphics.
Anyway, that's all I wish to say for now and again, I hope this helps a bit. Seriously though, Congrats on the major improvement! I'm looking forward to what's coming next! :D
loved both versions, but the pacing here was much better. is there an official upload time/schedule or is it just a 'as it gets done' sort of thing? very excited for more in the future! :) <3
Thank you for the comment! We will address about that soon.
I like this rewritten version better. The MC was not hostile to Bowers and actually got along better with him. Looking forward to more of the story.
Ok, that was *much* better than the original build. Everything actually making sense now, and flows organically with each other... well, almost. Gotta give props to dev for listening to feedback and giving it there best to improve (I know I played a large part in trashing the original build by sometimes it needs to be done)
AAA finally the demo is out! congrats you guys! keep up the good work! 😊👍
Thank you for the comment! 😊
Looking forward to the story continuing. You've piqued my curiosity.
The journal's a nice feature. It gives an extra something outside the story. Aside from other points already mentioned, if I had one critique, it'd be the sound effects paired with the characters' reactions. They're a little...distracting, for me, at least.
But, I'm looking forward to more with the revamps you have underway.
Thank you for the nice comment! We made so much effort with this game. 😊
I want to like this story but I have so many questions. Like why the player-character is such a dick...? Jeez your surrounded by hulking masses of flesh and your first instinct is to go for fag? Doesnt seem very relistic to me. Like the character doesnt have a sense of danger or something. I dont know maybe Im just a hater; but this seems kinda rushed.
The Writer can also waste his own and the reader's time by letting the MC throwing a fit and scream for weeks until he cooled down and accept that not all creature want to kill him. Remeber what kind of audience FVN are for...
It's better for the audience to connect to an Furry/animal loving MC, who accepts that fear/screaming and running away wont help him. A little bit of bravery allows the MC to gain respect from audience and the fictional characters alike.
Happy middle is all im looking for lol. Being brave and being stupid are two very different things. Fear is what makes us human. Which is also ironic because we're still animals ourselves. SO the whole quote should be fear is what makes us animals. But that's not the point. The point is that if the mc has nothing to fear from the beginning; in a setting where the mc doesn't even have a special skill (No running ur mouth is not a power its a hinderance), the whole story can be thrown off course. Turning something beautiful in to something sad and deluded. And I for one wouldn't want to read that. Got enough delusional people in the world. Subtract from the problem dont add to it.
Edit: Now that ive read the new and improved version.....im lovin it so far. It seems the author has taken the time to really hear out the comments here and on other social forums so I'm gonna continue to be patient and see where this goes. Keep it up guys!!!!
Either way, the new rewritten demo is out, and forget the older build, the new one is much better. Play that.
Will do and will leave a edited review once I'm done
LOVE THIS +__+
I thought the pacing was perfect. I have read many bara VNs and often they drag out a scene having the dialogue be too verbose. But the writing here, each scene says and shows what was needed for it and moves on to the next one, wonderful. Excellent art, character designs, background art, music, sound effects, like that cracking sound of what happened to the main character, fuckin ow, I winced hearing it, very immersive drawing me in instantly. My only critique is the narration, having a main character be the narrator, often what is narrated and what is their own thoughts both get lost together. So when y'all are rewriting the story (which saddens me cause I love this 1.0 version) I'd suggest an example as "Feenyx eagerly awaits Bowers' cock" etc instead of feenyx thinking/narrating "I eagerly awaited Bowers' cock" as such.
so yeah solid 5/5 from me honestly, can't wait to see the next update :D
Can we get an option to change the text colour? I can't play because I can't read the black text on the dark brown dialogue box (This is the android version)
any idea when will be ubdate?
No updates for now. But I have finished some of the new sprites for the new rewrite demo we will be releasing. CGS and backgrounds are still not finished, so it'll take time is I can tell you.
Great artwork. I'm excited to see where this goes. The scene where the mc is getting carried by his new Alfa was soo cute!
Thought I'd pitch in my two cents. I'm a fan of La Musa (still hoping that gets some work done on it soon) and was looking forward to this.
For a demo, it's not the worst thing ever. The art is nice, and I can see the vision but it definitely needs some work. Yeah the pacing is very, VERY fast between locations and just the way the characters interact with one another. They jump from topic to topic like it's nothing, and that's just not the way actual conversations flow. Obviously the broken rib thing, and the white werewolf (his attitude and introduction to the story leave a lot to be desired) would be some of my biggest concerns. Can't remember his name but the big blue wolf is cute, love to see some fat men love interests.
The personalities of all characters are just not there, and seem very rushed and cookie cutter to be memorable. This is just personal opinion obviously but the MC's design, I'm just not a fan of at all. Not gonna get into the whole twink gets romance simmed by different big bara guys that seems to be the trend though.
Ultimately, I can see that a lot of work into it and I know they are rewriting since people have been trashing on them. Wanna say good luck and good health to the producers, I know making a vn is not easy or quick. Just take your time and try to come out with the best work you can, the groundwork is there just needs polish.
Also if you wanted an English proofreader, I'd be happy to help free of charge lol. Some of the spelling and general grammar errors don't help alleviate some of the other issues
to a lot of people in these comments, ya'll need to keep your expectations and reality separate, and read other comments instead of rehashing stuff that has already been said.
This is a demo. it's not going to be perfect right off the back, and the author/creator has already commented several times they're working on it. the art is good, and the story even if rushed is fine. cut people some slack and enjoy what we have.
(Sorry if this is out of line, sir/ma'am author, just see a lot of the same comments saying the same thing over and over. you're doing great :) )
Thank you for the comment. I appreciated it. We're really working hard.
I disagree with this comment in pretty much every way possible.
First of all, I’m a free man and I’m free to do whatever I want as long as its not prohibited by law. That means if I want to criticize something — I will. Same goes for others.
Second — having other people mentioning the same criticism is incredibly important. If someone like me mentioned it devs might not even bat an eye, but if multiple people doing it — that means its definitely something you should be working on.
And finally, in a medium where the only thing people care and know about is Echo you have to be grateful for *any* sort of comments, because that means people care about your product. What you truly have to afraid of is the *lack* of comments because that means no one is interested in your product anymore.
P.s.
> enjoy what we have
Do you enjoy eating shit that you have? I personally don’t but it might just be me, so please, allow me to have at least some standards for my fvns. Thank you.
We understand what you mean completely. The reason why we are rewriting the whole story from scratch is due to a lot of amounts of feedback we have received. The reason why we are saying to read the feedbacks below and my replies to them is because literally all of the feedbacks are now sounding the same and we made public posts and announcements on Discord, Twitter, and on here that we are listening, and we have decided to rewrite everything from scratch even fix the art. So be patient please, because we are working very hard. Scroll down a bit and see my replies to the criticism. Yours is still valid! But please take the time to read the other feedbacks so you don't say the exact same thing people are complaining about. And please be professional with your reply.
you're right, you're allowed to have your opinions like I'm allowed to have mine. and I'm also allowed to call out an unneeded amount of the same criticism when I see it. (especially when all of the comments I've read/am talking about are pretty much the same thing just reworded)
getting criticism for work is good (I write fanfiction and get feedback all of the time.) but there is also a time when it becomes too much when the comments are all the same.
edit; why are you comparing eating shit with a vn in its early stages? lmao.
If its being rehashed its prolly cuz new people are reading it to find the same problem. NO rush to the devs. I like seeing ppl suceed, but that won't happen if we give participation trophies all the time. The truthful brutally honest comments are the ones that can make or break how these things happen...so yeah keep it up. But dont expect the journey to be easy.
As for now, I can not recommend this visual novel. Apparently, from what I've read in the comments, the story is being rewritten. But as of now, as many have said, the story is rushed and the main character gets over stuff pretty fast. We kind of just go between three different locations within the blink of an eye. Not gonna spoil much in case someone wants to read this demo, but the main character finds his phone and instead of calling or messaging anyone, as a normal person would, he decides to show the wolves how it works. And at one point he climbs up and down a ladder with broken ribs... what??? Freshly broken ribs btw. I hope the devs spend more time expanding the story, perhaps add a prologue for mc's background before waking up in the world because they just fly by that like the topic of what he was gonna do before he got to the other world even though what he was planning was quite serious. If and when the devs post a rewritten story, I'll reevaluate my opinion. But for now, it's just not good.)
Also, as a side note. My own personal opinion about this but calling someplace "Wolfshire" is just weird. You're naming the location after the inhabitants and I know many stories do this but idk, it's like calling a human village "Human Village" Not something to be used as criticism towards the novel, just my personal dislike.
I guess I'll spoil a small detail for you. In the new rewrite, we explain why the wolfshire is named like that. Long time ago people who inhabited the wolfshire were people who built this place based on Sol and Mani in Norse mythology, wolf of moon, Mani, and wolf of Sun Sol. moving to present time, it is now in ruins and the werewolves inhabited the place due to the original makers of the place left and vanished. Which that will also be explained later on in the rewritten chapters. Do not expect the rewritten demo to explain everything and lore of the world at once, because if we do that, then you'll come back here and say that the story is rushed again, and the pacing doesn't make sense. At the end of the day, it's a demo, and not everything will be explained in it.
Let me correct myself. Skoll and Hati, not Sol and Mani
That's fine. As I said, it was a personal preference and not part of my review.
that sounds incredible and would explain the established parallels between Grimm and Earth thus far o.o
The pacing is too fast (neck-breaking fast) The protagonist adapts waaay too quickly for it to be credible or believable, there are a LOT of grammar mistakes and misspellings (which overall makes the reading experience less enjoyable) The gratuituous violence from the white werewolf feels hamfisted and shoehorned just for the heck of it and the MC's response isn't natural acting like nothing happened and the same with the white werewolf. Overall: the art was good, though I saw in the sketches that Bowers has nipples then in the sprites or in the CG artwork there's no trace of nipples which is a bit of an inconsistency issue. The story: So far needs to be reviewed again for the issues I described above. Grammar and Misspellins: Those need a serious review and fix, seriously.
I keep saying again and again that the story is being rewritten from scratch and are fixing the pacing and characters personalities. Scroll down and read my replies from the feedbacks that are similar to yours. The new rewritten demo is being proofread right now, and the pacing and characters are much more polished and better. We have listened to all of your feedbacks and came with the decision to rewrite the whole story from scratch. The MC's fractured ribs play a big factor to the story along with his fear, and confusion being in a world completely different from his, and that will include his health as well, his body will have to adapt to the world. Rest assured, the new rewritten demo and chapter one is looking much better than the old script.
Hi I wanted to say that you may have heard this criticism before so sorry if it is repeat.
The MC name seems to be a bit too fantasy like if they are from the modern Era. If you like the name you should keep it though.
I also think the MC clothes should also fit the modern Era since his current clothes from the demo are really more fantasy Era like.
I know that the MC committed suicide so I think that should be focused a bit more 1st for the story pacing. Additionally I believe the MC should at the very least be able to stay in the woods alone for a longer period of time such as 1 day or a few hours wandering around. I just felt that the Werewolf attack was a bit too fast for a character that just entered a new world after suicide is all.
Overall I really enjoyed everything else in the visual novel. I would like to ask and say is it possible for the MC to have a bit more of a backbone and not be the typical weak or defenseless character? His current attitude is great but it would be more believable if he could back it up? This trope of a weak MC always being saved by 1 character is honestly just a bit played out in visual novels at this point. Overall just do what you think is best and thank you for letting me leave my criticism here.
Thank you for the feedback.
1- the MC's name will stick. MC's name is a name of Greek origin and an alternative for Phoenix. Meaning “dark red." All we did is change it from Feenix, to Feenyx. And is still being used in our modern era.
2- In the new rewrite of the story, the MC's clothes at first will be modernized, and he will get new clothes over time.
3- he didn't commit to death, he Wanted to commit to death but got transported. this also had been expanded on in the new rewrite of the story.
4- He won't be attacked very early in the new rewrite.
5- The MC won't stay weak forever, he will learn how to protect himself in the new rewrite
6- his fractured ribs will play a much bigger factor on his health throughout chapter one in the rewrite, combined with fear and confusion due to being in a new world.
overall, I have made the decision to scrap the original script, and rewrite it completely from scratch, and so far, it is looking very promising, and its being proofread. Rest assured, I am making sure the pacing is good, and not rushed at all.
Without being disrespectful, I think its fine in various aspects but it needs fixes in some stuff as a lot of people say, but about the speed, well, I can say that visual novels are slower than the average story because they can use more time telling stuff than comics, Tv Shows and Animated Series, given the ability of showing more with less resources, and also, that the player can read it calmly or extremely fast but looking at the pictures, I can recomend that it should take its time to move and just describe more the stuff, like, more dialogue, and maybe longer descriptions because the dialogues dont need an entire drawing to have the characters talking
Also, the characters are bigger than they should, I recomend making them X1.25 or X1.5 the size of a human being, because in real life its probable that a lot of them would not be taller than 2.72 meters (Higher recorded in human history [AKA: Extremely Rare])
Also... MC's Name is weird, Who calls someone like that in this world?
In fantasy is posible, but not in our Normal Land [xl]
You are not being disrespectful; your feedback is valid. We decided to scrap the script and rewrite it from scratch and fixing the story and its pacing . and regarding the sprites, I will make changes to them and fix them up to make them more appealing to look at. Thank you so much for your feedback. We are improving as we go.
MC's name is name of Greek origin and an alternative for Phoenix. Meaning “dark red." All we did is change it from Feenix, to Feenyx.
Don't want to sound mean or harsh, but the demo has left a very bad impression on me.
* An incrediby generic premise (a modern day teenager isekaied to yet another fantasy world to meet a wolf himbo);
* An incredibly hamfisted dialog (characters say exactly what they want which comes acrosss overly direct, lacking nuance and realism --- real people don't talk like that);
* an incredibly rushed pacing (it takes only ten diologue boxes for protagonist to lament about his life for a bit, then to get isekaied, then to meet the wolf himbo without even giving a reader a time to process what the hell has even happened)
* and the demo wasn't even tested properly as selecting literally any other option then "new game" is getting me a classic Ren'Py error message "an exception has occured".
Even the artstyle (which is the only good part) has its issues: all wolfs look way too buff and protagonist somehow already looks like a medieval noble rather then modern day teenager.
I hope it will improve later but so far the entire demo looks incredibly amateurish so far as to come really close of being yet another Ren'Py asset flip.
Thank you for your feedback. We decided to start from the core and from scratch. We are rewriting the story and improving on it. It'll take a long time. But these things happen, and I am sorry for disappointing. I appreciate your feedback and we will do better. I am also redrawing some of the sprites to make them look more appealing to look at.
"...the demo wasn't even tested properly as selecting literally any other option then "new game" is getting me a classic Ren'Py error message "an exception has occured".
--I'm going to fixed that. Thank you for the feedback.
Hello id like to provide some feedback could you possibly try making the texts larger and also be able change the color its because its hard to see and read the text and i literally have to bring the phone closer to my face to read it,anyways great VN hope there will be more ❤️
I will fixed with the text sizes and color. Thank you for the feedback.
Hey there, I'd like to provide some feedback. I've been intrigued by the looks of this game since I first heard about it on Twitter, but I'm sad to say that I found it quite disappointing. I understand it's just a demo, and that's why I'm trying to offer honest feedback/criticism without sounding rude.
The first thing that I notice when opening the game is that it defaults to fullscreen, and the main menu music (and all music in general) seems to be really quiet. I really love the title screen and UI design, the transitions between menus feel a little bit long, but apart from that I think it looks great and fits well with the theme.
When it came to starting the game however, the writing is where everything falls apart. Just reading the very first message, I had to re-read it a few times to make any sense of it. I continued on thinking that there was going to be more of an explanation about it, but there wasn't. Instead, it jumps straight into the main character seemingly about to commit suicide, without any warning or transitional writing. The first message could have very well been expanded upon, while keeping the same effect of a mysterious hook to a story, since it's the most important part of grabbing the reader's attention.
Moving on to the setup of the story, you quickly realize that the writing feels so rushed and rough. So much so, that it's hard to keep track of what's happening as it lacks any kind of explanation in the writing. Thing after thing constantly keeps happening at the start, with no details in the writing that help the reader not feel so overwhelmed.
Directly after waking up in the cabin, that's where the story started losing me, and I somewhat stopped paying attention because of how confused I was getting. As I said previously, I feel the writing just lacks detail as it just doesn't flow well and it seems to stay that way throughout the whole game. I kept constantly asking questions about the events that were happening before me. By the way, pressing esc to pause and ctrl to skip just doesn't work, forcing you to use the UI buttons.
When it comes to the character's dialogue, it felt completely out of place when the main character was just plain rude. None of the jokes seemed to stick, and the sound effects with the dialogue were very out of place for the atmosphere. There were some parts of the text that would continue on out of nowhere without the user's input, not letting the reader read it. I also noticed that one of the background songs suddenly cuts off in the same spot every time and just restarts. The second wolf's name does not get introduced and only gets revealed suddenly. Not to mention the slapping from him coming straight out of nowhere, making him also seem just plain rude. Then the CG also just randomly appears and doesn't transition well, making it feel out of place (But I think the same goes for the rest of them)
I would continue on, but after the coin-flipping CG I really stopped trying to read into it I'm afraid. I glossed over the rest of the text from there and it seemed to still lack everything I already talked about. I was really looking forward to this game's release but I'm sad to say it didn't deliver. However just because the writing really lacks, doesn't mean the rest of the game (Art, design, story premise, all that stuff) doesn't have great potential. At least that's what I think, that everything else has great potential, and that's why I'm writing this. I hope this helps.
Don’t get me wrong, this helps a lot. And I thank you for the feedback. We will do our best to deliver a solid story with no rushing happening, and we are also working on fixing the music cutting off randomly, its a coding error which happens very often. The script is also going to get edited and fixed and be proofread. I deeply apologize for this, but know that we will fix this and hopefully come back strong, I’ll also see if I can fix the characters personalities as well. Give us another chance, we are very new to making visual novels, but we are learning and improving as we go. Thank you so much for playing the demo, and I’ll make sure the first chapter will deliver better.
Kevsky.
"...the transitions between menus feel a little bit long, but apart from that..."
--- I'll try to make it faster.
"By the way, pressing esc to pause and ctrl to skip just doesn't work, forcing you to use the UI buttons."
-- That was because I thought some people have an issue with the skip button. However I will change it back for sure.
No this is not happening... An Werewolf VN with muscles and guts?! I think I am having a werewolf awakening crisis or some shit that I keep fawning for wolf-like creatures as of recently this year and this VN wont help my addiction at all! I think I am on the edge of just breaking into obsession... I don't want to go out like that, I must resist... YOU WEREWOLF LOVERS WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME AHAHAHA!
I played it. I think it's over for me. Especially the last CG scene of this Demo that you fuckers did got me and nearly jumped out of my seat... I'll be looking forward for this project!
Hehe sorry for that last one. I thought of making it dramatic or surprise.
All good! Matter of fact I enjoy the shock that I had, it reminds me to not let my guard down for anything including sexy daddy werewolves. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! X3
Removing this as promised, as it will at least 90% no longer be valid, since much of the confusion is being cleared up.
Can you elaborate more on what you mean by military? because when I think about military, all I think about is green and camo. And which character are you talking about? Feenyx or Bowers?
Having font color option or make it different contrast color with background would be nice 😅
Thank you for the feedback. I’m on it!
–Romiz
love it! great art style, and story is good so far(even if just a demon now). excited for updates on it! what does the update schedule look like for this vn?
Thank you. As for right now, I will be focused in minor issues from the game first. Then, the public updates will be release in every middle of the week while patrons gets a nice dipped into it by early of the month.
–Romiz
Hi, any news on when the game will be released ?
Yes. The demo is in beta testing now. making sure everything is good and dandy^^
Ahahah, good to hear, I’m so excited for this new game, keep us informed! :)👍
https://twitter.com/MuseProductsDev/status/1680644312604762113?s=20